Play 玩

Sometimes, even six years in Taiwan doesn't make a difference. Some gaps are hard to bridge.

I suppose it's always this way, but the older generation is harder to reach than the younger (if a man in his forties can still bandy about the word “young”).

The younger generation has spent many years of their lives entranced by or aghast at the vibrant culture and flagrant transgressions of the West. They are steeped in our movies and music (in addition to their own). They have had to learn English in school and many have studied overseas. Those people of my age who would like to have a “foreigner” as a friend come with a background that makes a connection easy. When we add the years that I have spent steeping myself in Taiwanese and Chinese culture, we have the basis for a true cultural exchange. It is a rich way to relate, full of learning and surprises and at the same time a deep recognition of commonality.

But I have some people in my life who I still find hard to reach. Whether in Jiayu's family or in the very traditional world of tea, I have some dear people in my life who cannot yet conceive of this sail journey. As close as they can come is the word “play.”

To be fair, the older generation of Taiwan has survived hardships that hopefully none of us, will ever have to experience. But in their minds any activity that is not directly dedicated to financial security is “play.” And this word play is not said with positive connotations. When Jiayu first came on this trip with me, her father pulled her aside and told her a story about “The Crickets and the Ants.” The crickets, you see, were making music and having a generally good time on a summer night. Meanwhile, the ants were working very hard stockpiling food. The crickets kept calling to the ants saying, “Why don't you come play? Summer is here! Rejoice! Why all the toil?” The ants replied, “It won't be summer forever, you have to work hard to survive.” In the end the crickets all starved to death and the ants survived another year.

It reminds me entirely of talking to people who survived the Great Depression. Many of this now nearly gone generation, were frugal to the point of obsession. Every little thing was to be saved. Spending was seen as a very dangerous undertaking. Taiwan's equivalent hard times aren't that far in the past, and an entire segment of the population lives as if hard times around the corner will come just as surely as night follows day and winter follows fall.

But from where I come from, although depression is a real enough possibility, it has not proven to be even a once a generation event. These hard times, sure to hit eventually, don't hit every lifetime nor every society. In fact, to live one's entire life as if unbearable hardship is sure to fall is to miss out on some of life's greatest joys.

The question that comes up is, after financial security, then what? Some people, in every culture, never feel secure enough. It wouldn't matter how much they had saved, they would need to earn more. I think this is the most common responsible approach to finance. The most common irresponsible American approach seems to be to carry massive amounts of credit card debt. But I don't find myself in either of these camps.

Let's assume for the time being that I am intelligent enough to ensure that I will not spend my dotage as a pauper. Certainly I have enough to eat. I have shelter to live in, whether by land or by sea. All of my basic needs of life are provided for. So, while it would be nice to have some more money, and while it would be more common to simply aim for the quickest way to make more money, I'm instead asking myself what is most meaningful to me in life? What is the life I want to create for myself? What are the things I most want to do in my brief stay on this planet? What contribution do I want to make to the world? What do I have to offer?

I am not living in fear for enough to eat. I too can be frugal. This trip is costing the two of us less than $400 per person per month. It is not a huge financial burden. So, if the anthill was overflowing with food and they continued to horde, would they still be considered sane? If the crickets had already provided for their winters, shouldn't they laugh and sing?

So, yes, this sailing trip is great fun. My heart is filled with gratitude for this opportunity. I can hardly imagine a more exciting way to spend my time. I worked for well over a year, saving money and repairing this old boat to prepare for this journey. And against the odds, quite distinct from the expectations of mainstream culture, I have successfully freed myself to journey through one of the world's last wilderness coasts. I have have the rare good fortune of exploring an archipelago, the likes of which exists nowhere else on Earth.

Yes, we play a lot. Play is important. This life is a gift. We can give thanks through celebration. Time with friends, a game of cards. These are the rewards for a day's hard work. These are the joyful moments we we have earned with our labor.

But as fun as this trip has been so far, much, much more is going on here than play. Sailing through a sea where whales are jumping is more akin to a religious experience than it is to a game of cards. The shear power of this dying race of mammoth beings is breath taking. Learning the rudiments of sailing, and then learning to time one's life to the flow of the tides, currents, and weather requires both a deep study and a shift in perspective. We have had to learn to be acutely aware of our natural environment and to invite it into our lives in a way that few modern people do.

At the same time, we are gaining a first hand experience of the devastation we as humans are wreaking on the natural world. I had no idea how thoroughly the Canadian Pacific fishery had collapsed. I knew that the US was doing a somewhat reasonable job of protecting the Alaska fishery, but it is nearly unfathomable that a place as remote and seemingly pristine as the BC coast could be in such dire peril of losing its marine ecosystem.

So, we've had both the gift of being close to the natural world, and also the sad experience of realizing how much our human hunger for more and more money has devastated this same world. If human greed could be attenuated, if we could recognize when we already had enough and not keep lusting for more, we could leave a far better world for our descendants.

In this same vein, we have also learned how little it takes to be truly happy. In the city, I can throw $3.00 away on coffee without even thinking about it. Now, living as simply as we do, a cup of coffee has become a celebration in itself. We cherish our lives much more than when we could have all the coffee we wanted any time of day or night. Truly we are learning the joy of simple living and the art of living lightly on the world's surface.

And yet, even these are not actually the most important lessons of this journey. The more important lessons are internal. A trip like this not only gives us the time to get to know ourselves more clearly, it forces us to face ourselves. When two people are in such a small space together for an extended time, there is no more room for hiding. Even when we want to hide our weaknesses or portray ourselves in an overly-positive light, the mask cannot hold up.

We have, likewise, practiced many moments of mending and rebuilding our relationship. Tears in the fabric of relationship are inevitable. We have each had many opportunities to practice the art of forgiveness and the art of apology.

So quite unlike a sunny day at the beach, a journey like this takes a real inner courage, a willingness to face even one's own darkest corners of experience. Through this process, we have become stronger both in ourselves and in relationship. We have developed a deep abiding trust in each other.

Jiayu's father, my future father in law, has told us repeatedly not to “play too long” and to make sure to come back and “get to work.” Each time I hear this, my heart sinks. I don't think he understands the importance of the work we are doing.

But if we do want to speak of the world of paid work, it is important to remember that both Jiayu and I work in the field of counseling psychology. It is our work to help people see themselves more clearly. It is our job to help people discover their own resources for happiness and to face the parts of themselves that are unhappy and in need of care. The very process of learning and discovery that we are undergoing on this sailing journey is exactly the process we are working to awaken within our clients.

It is essential that counselors go on periodic voyages of self-discovery. If we expect our clients to do the courageous work of inner exploration, we have to be willing to do it ourselves. Counselors need retreats in order to do their own inner work. Only then can they come back into the world with renewed energy and effectiveness.

We are on our return trip. Like Buddhist practitioners returning from the rain retreats, we are turning our thoughts back toward the world. I myself am thinking much of work. I am wondering exactly what projects I will find most fulfilling and inspiring. I am wondering how I can best be of service to others. I am looking for the most meaningful, fulfilling work that I can undertake. I am looking forward to re-engaging with society.

As we ponder these questions slowly and let our plans take shape, I am also looking forward to finally having some simple fun. We are headed back into familiar waters with a new set of sailing and life skills. Soon, we should make it into sunshine and warmth. Finally, it is time to play.

(翻譯）

有時，即時我曾經住在台灣六年都無濟於事。有些溝通的斷層就是無法銜接。

我想應該一直都是這樣吧！年輕一輩的比老一輩的人來得容易溝通（如果四十歲的人還可以使用「年輕」二字的話）。

台灣年輕的一輩無論是喜好、浸淫西方活潑的文化，或是憎惡西方惡霸式的侵略，都對西方文化不陌生。他們在本土的電影與音樂之外，也熟悉我們的電影與音樂。在學校他們必須學習英文，很多有過留學外國的經驗。這些與我年紀相當，希望和「外國人」做朋友的人擁有的背景讓我們易於連結。若再算上我花費沈浸在台灣與中國文化的時間，我們得以擁有真正的文化交流。這樣的連結是豐盈的，充滿學習與驚喜。我們深刻體會到我們之間除了差異之外有很多的相同性。

但是在我生命中仍有一些人我難以取得這樣的連結。無論是Jiayu的家人或在台灣茶藝的傳統文化中，有一些我很親近的人仍無法瞭解這一趟航行的意義。他們最多的理解即是「玩」這個字。

說句公道話，老一輩的台灣人曾過著我們一輩子想像不到的苦日子。在他們的心中，任何與增加經濟安全感無直接關連的活動都是「玩」。而且，「玩」並不具有正面意義。當Jiayu一開始決定加入航行，她父親讓她重溫「螞蟻與蟋蟀」的故事：蟋蟀在夏天演奏音樂與玩樂；而螞蟻辛勤工作囤積食物。蟋蟀不斷對螞蟻說：「你為什麼不來一起玩呢？夏天到了！來慶祝吧！! 幹嘛那麼辛苦?」螞蟻回答：「夏天不會永遠持續下去，要怎麼收穫先怎麼栽」。最後，蟋蟀在冬天餓死了，而螞蟻度過了另外一年。

這完全讓我想到和曾度過大蕭條年代的美國老一輩之間的談話。這些幾乎已經凋零的老一輩節儉到幾乎偏執。所有東西都得保留下來，消費是具有風險的行為。台灣的困苦年代離今不遠，許多人仍舊存有危機意識：苦難就像白天進入黑夜，冬天接續秋天一般可能隨時到來。

在我的生長背景，雖然苦日子是有存在的可能，但是並非會發生在每一代的人身上。這些苦難時刻雖然總會來臨，並不會降臨在每一代或每一個社會裡。事實上，若一個人只活在苦難必定降臨的心態中，他就錯過了生命中許多值得喜樂的部分。

問題是，在經濟安全感建立之後呢？在每個文化中，總有一些人永遠無法感到安全。不管他們累積多少財富，他們需要更多。我想這是一般視為負責任的理財方式之一；而最不負責任的方式則是負有龐大的信用卡債務。二者都不屬於我。

我當然不會讓自己年老時落到生活悲慘。我已經有足夠食物可吃，有地方可以住（無論在陸地或海上），所有基本需求無虞。當然，我可以想要賺更多的錢，我可以想以更快速的方式累積金錢，但是我卻詢問自己：生命如何能夠更具有意義？我想為自己創造什麼樣的生活？在我停留在世上的短暫時間裡，我最想完成什麼？我想對世界有什麼貢獻？而我又能夠提供什麼？

我並不擔心自己會山窮水盡，我可以非常節儉。這趟旅程我們二人每人每個月花費不到400元美金。這不是個沈重的經濟負擔。所以，若蟻丘中滿溢食物但他們仍然不停的囤積，他們還算正常嗎？若是蟋蟀已經準備好冬天的食糧，他們不應該歡笑與歌唱嗎？

是的，這趟航行之旅我們玩得開心。我的心洋溢著對擁有此機會的感激。我無法想像有更好的方式度過這一段時間。我辛苦工作一整年存錢與整修這艘舊船以準備這趟旅程。與主流文化所期待的相反，我出乎意外成功的擺脫一切，在這世界少數僅存的原始海岸之一航行。我感謝擁有稀少且珍貴的機會探索地球上僅此一處的島嶼與群島。

是的，我們盡情遊玩。玩很重要。生命是個禮物，我們可以用慶祝來感謝被賜予這個禮物。與朋友相伴、打一桌麻將，這些是一天辛苦工作後的獎賞，這些是我們勞動後換取的歡欣時刻。

但是即是這趟旅程充滿玩樂，卻有更多不止於玩樂的經驗。於鯨魚徜徉、跳躍的大海中航行，這個經驗比起打一桌麻將更充滿靈性。僅是感受此瀕臨絕種的龐大生物所展現的力量就足以震撼人心。學習基本的航行技巧，以及學習依據潮汐、水流、天候生活需要大量研讀與觀念的轉換。我們必須學習精準的覺察自然環境，邀請它進入我們的生活。很少現代人如此的生活著。

同時，我們有第一手經驗於人類如何在破壞這個自然世界。我從不知道加拿大的太平洋岸漁業已經衰敗。我知道美國正嘗試於保護阿拉斯加的漁業，但是令人震驚的是原始荒涼如加拿大西岸都已經逐漸失去它的海洋生態系統。

我們有幸同時能夠接近自然世界，也難過地瞭解到人類對金錢的貪婪如何毀壞這同樣的世界。如果貪婪能夠節制；如果我們能夠瞭解擁有的已經足夠而不繼續渴望更多，我們可以留給下一代更好的地球。

同樣地，我們學到快樂需要的其實很少。在城市力，我可以不加思索花3塊美金買一杯咖啡。現在，在我們的簡單生活裡，品嚐一杯咖啡本身就值得慶賀。比起在城市裡隨心所欲的咖啡，我們在這裡更佳珍惜我們的生活。我們實際的學習簡單生活的快樂，學習輕盈的活在地球的表面。

但是，這些都不是這次旅程最重要的學習。最重要的收穫是內在的。這樣的旅程不僅讓我們更清晰的瞭解自己，也強迫我們必須自我面對。二個人長時間共同生活在如此狹小的地方，沒有任何隱藏的空間。即使我們想要藏匿弱點或呈獻自己光明的一面，面具終需卸下。

同樣的，我們有許多時刻練習修補與重建我們的關係。在關係這塊布料裏，撕裂是難免的。我們二人都有許多機會練習原諒與表達歉意的藝術。

這不是躺在陽光下燦爛的海灘假期，向這樣的旅程需要真實的內在勇氣，需要有意願面對我們經驗中黑暗的角落。在這個過程中，我們在自我與關係之間同時變得更為強壯。我們彼此建立深厚的信任。

Jiayu的父親，我未來的岳父，不斷告誡我們不要「玩太久」，一定要回來「努力工作」。每當我聽到時，我的心沈了下來。我想他不太瞭解這對我們的重要性。

但是若要說到可賺錢的工作，我和Jiayu都從事諮商。我們的工作在協助人們更清楚的自我認識、協助人們發覺快樂的內在資源、面對自我不快樂的部分與需要照顧的部分。這趟航行旅程我們學習與探索的歷程就和我們在協助個案喚醒內在自我是完全相同的。

對諮商者來說，不斷進入自我發現的旅程是必須的。若是我們期待個案勇敢的進入內在探索自我，我們必須願意由自身做起。諮商者需要時間遠離人群從事自我探索，才能以更新的能量與效率回到工作。

我們已經踏上回程。像佛教僧侶從雨季的修行中回返俗世，我們的思緒也開始回返。我自己思索了很多關於工作的事。我思考何種工作會激發且滿足我？我思考如何才能對他人有助益？我尋找我能從事最具意義與滿足感的工作。我期待重新進入社會。

在我們緩慢的思索這些問題，讓計畫逐漸成形的同時，我也期待終於可以有些單純的樂趣。我們帶著新學到的航行與親密關係技術返回到我們熟悉的水域。不久，我們將回到陽光與溫暖。終於，是玩耍的時候了。