「接下來要怎麼走？」是目前我面對最為有趣的問題。
之前的我不覺得有選擇，這一艘小船看起來無比巨大；這段新的關係仍然有太多需要摸索，我有太多要學習、要克服。我忙於「生存」、忙於理出頭緒。就像剛學游泳的人一樣，我努力划水讓自己不下沈，趁頭浮出水面時大力吸氣。
今天是旅程的中間點。而我雖不至成為游泳選手，卻逐漸開始可以享受悠游水中的樂趣。我仍然有許多需要學習的，但是不再感覺到情緒超載，每天只希望趕快度過，可以躺平在床上休息。我開始期待今天的微風，甚至要求練習單人掌舵控帆，原本讓我害怕的溫哥華島西岸開放海域航行也聽起來稍具吸引力。
在開始可以選擇時，我才開始可以練習傾聽自己真正的聲音，也才發現這也是另一個需要學習的能力。
我要多停留一天，還是繼續前進？我要哪一個路線進入停泊處？當風正好，我們是繼續前進，略過預定的停泊港灣，往下一個停留點前進，還是宣告一天的結束（以我們的說法是：「浪費風」！）。這些決定可大可小，但是卻直指核心：我要的是哪一種生活？今天內心的需求我聽見了嗎？在這個當下，我的身體、內心究竟需要什麼？
然後我才發現，其實自己一直都有選擇。我得學習，但是可以決定學習的速度；我可以在害怕時要求開啟引擎、在不確定時堅持走最安全的路線、在疲累時選擇再度停留港灣一天。其實，是自己的競爭、好強與不服輸讓自己感到沒有選擇。
我無法選擇風的大小，但我可以決定今天是否繼續航行或是航行多遠。在離最近的停泊處仍有一段距離時，我可以要求與Rob輪替，稍做休息，讓自己準備好，而不需逞強，或是生悶氣。
在開始意識到自己該怎麼選擇的同時，我也更清楚的看到自己以往因應情緒與挑戰的模式，開始真正聆聽內在的我真實的感受與需求。無論向那個方向走，希望自己不再是不服輸，或為了證明什麼，而是學習瞭解內心真正呼喚的方向。
“Left or right?” is the most interesting question in front of me right now.
Previously, I didn't think I had a choice. This little boat was huge to me. This new relationship was an unfamiliar ground that needed exploring. I had much to learn and many challenges to overcome. I was busy making sense of a new situation. Just like someone who had just learned to swim, I was working hard just to get my head above water, taking a breath whenever I could.
Once I reached the point where I could make choices, I could finally begin to hear my own true voice. That's when I discovered I had a new skill that I needed to learn.
Do I want to stay another day or move on a little further? Which route do I want to take to enter the anchorage? When the wind is just right, do we keep going past our original stopping point to the next anchorage? Or do we call it a day, and at the same time, “Waste some wind”? These decisions can be large or small, but they all point to straight to the core: What type of life do I want to have? Did I pay attention to my needs today? Given this situation, what does my body need? What does my heart need?
Later on I realized that I have had choices all along. I do want to learn new things, but I can choose the speed of my learning. When I am scared, I can ask request to start the engine. When I am uncertain, I can insist on taking the safest route. When I am tired, I can choose to stay at an anchorage an exta day. Actually, it's my own competitiveness and desire to stand “undefeated” that made me feel as if I had no choice.
I cannot choose whether the wind is strong or weak, but I can decide how far to sail in a day, or whether to continue sailing at all. When we are still at a distance from the nearest anchorage, I can ask Rob to exchange shifts with me and take some time to rest. If I give myself time to prepare, I don't have to push myself past my limits.
As I begin to see the choices I need to make for myself, I've become clearer about my past patterns of facing challenges and meeting my emotions. I've begun to tune into my actual inner voice and to become aware of my deeper feelings and needs. Regardless of which direction I choose, I hope that I am no longer driven to make my choices out of competitiveness or a desire to prove something, and instead take my direction from actual inner needs.
之前的我不覺得有選擇，這一艘小船看起來無比巨大；這段新的關係仍然有太多需要摸索，我有太多要學習、要克服。我忙於「生存」、忙於理出頭緒。就像剛學游泳的人一樣，我努力划水讓自己不下沈，趁頭浮出水面時大力吸氣。
今天是旅程的中間點。而我雖不至成為游泳選手，卻逐漸開始可以享受悠游水中的樂趣。我仍然有許多需要學習的，但是不再感覺到情緒超載，每天只希望趕快度過，可以躺平在床上休息。我開始期待今天的微風，甚至要求練習單人掌舵控帆，原本讓我害怕的溫哥華島西岸開放海域航行也聽起來稍具吸引力。
在開始可以選擇時，我才開始可以練習傾聽自己真正的聲音，也才發現這也是另一個需要學習的能力。
我要多停留一天，還是繼續前進？我要哪一個路線進入停泊處？當風正好，我們是繼續前進，略過預定的停泊港灣，往下一個停留點前進，還是宣告一天的結束（以我們的說法是：「浪費風」！）。這些決定可大可小，但是卻直指核心：我要的是哪一種生活？今天內心的需求我聽見了嗎？在這個當下，我的身體、內心究竟需要什麼？
然後我才發現，其實自己一直都有選擇。我得學習，但是可以決定學習的速度；我可以在害怕時要求開啟引擎、在不確定時堅持走最安全的路線、在疲累時選擇再度停留港灣一天。其實，是自己的競爭、好強與不服輸讓自己感到沒有選擇。
我無法選擇風的大小，但我可以決定今天是否繼續航行或是航行多遠。在離最近的停泊處仍有一段距離時，我可以要求與Rob輪替，稍做休息，讓自己準備好，而不需逞強，或是生悶氣。
在開始意識到自己該怎麼選擇的同時，我也更清楚的看到自己以往因應情緒與挑戰的模式，開始真正聆聽內在的我真實的感受與需求。無論向那個方向走，希望自己不再是不服輸，或為了證明什麼，而是學習瞭解內心真正呼喚的方向。
“Left or right?” is the most interesting question in front of me right now.
Previously, I didn't think I had a choice. This little boat was huge to me. This new relationship was an unfamiliar ground that needed exploring. I had much to learn and many challenges to overcome. I was busy making sense of a new situation. Just like someone who had just learned to swim, I was working hard just to get my head above water, taking a breath whenever I could.
Once I reached the point where I could make choices, I could finally begin to hear my own true voice. That's when I discovered I had a new skill that I needed to learn.
Do I want to stay another day or move on a little further? Which route do I want to take to enter the anchorage? When the wind is just right, do we keep going past our original stopping point to the next anchorage? Or do we call it a day, and at the same time, “Waste some wind”? These decisions can be large or small, but they all point to straight to the core: What type of life do I want to have? Did I pay attention to my needs today? Given this situation, what does my body need? What does my heart need?
Later on I realized that I have had choices all along. I do want to learn new things, but I can choose the speed of my learning. When I am scared, I can ask request to start the engine. When I am uncertain, I can insist on taking the safest route. When I am tired, I can choose to stay at an anchorage an exta day. Actually, it's my own competitiveness and desire to stand “undefeated” that made me feel as if I had no choice.
I cannot choose whether the wind is strong or weak, but I can decide how far to sail in a day, or whether to continue sailing at all. When we are still at a distance from the nearest anchorage, I can ask Rob to exchange shifts with me and take some time to rest. If I give myself time to prepare, I don't have to push myself past my limits.
As I begin to see the choices I need to make for myself, I've become clearer about my past patterns of facing challenges and meeting my emotions. I've begun to tune into my actual inner voice and to become aware of my deeper feelings and needs. Regardless of which direction I choose, I hope that I am no longer driven to make my choices out of competitiveness or a desire to prove something, and instead take my direction from actual inner needs.
